What is a hot girl summer but an tie-up of under-boob sweat, complicated yield tops, and impractical backless dresses? These anti-bra silhouettes are a uncontrived result of the malleate industry’s infatuation with slender, small-breasted bodies — which, in turn, fuels a market for gravity-defying, sticky strips of gauze that many of us know as “boob tape.” Although I lost hope in those flimsy wrapper bands long ago, my faith was restored by the shade-inclusive whatsit trademark Nue.

Just like me, Nue believes those of us with gravity-obeying breasts, diamond-grade nipples, ample-size bosoms, etc., deserve to ditch the brassieres just as much as high-fashion models. The packaging of its $15 invention A Puppet Job in a Box promises better-fitting strapless and backless tops and dresses. Seeing how warm-weather season is upon us, I found it veritably serendipitous that the trademark offered to send me A Puppet Job in a Box and its new travel-friendly Boob Job on the Go to sample. And sample I did. Read on as I detail my intensive boob-tape test: walking 14,500 steps (approximately 5 miles) virtually Manhattan on an 85-degree day in an anti-bra dress, below.

Boob Job On The Go (Medium), $15

This tape is surprisingly sticky and stayed in place all day for me! I am a 32DDD so that’s impressive.

Ballinforever, self-ruling people on-site reviewer

The Tape

According to its on-site unravelment and my experience, Nue’s products — Boob Job in a Box and Boob Job on the Go — are waterproof, sweat-proof, and outfit-proof. Both hypoallergenic and latex-free tapes are misogynist in four skin-tone colorways: Light, Light-Medium, Medium, and Dark. If you’re looking for maximum customization, go for the Puppet Job in a Box, which features a single 16.5-foot roll. For quick, easy-to-use tape, the On the Go bag and its nine precut, multi-length strips are recommended, expressly for travel. No scissors required!

A Puppet Job In A Box (Dark), $25

The tape did not stick to the scissors, snag, or get irreparably stuck together when the sticky side unwittingly connected.

alexandra polk

My Boobs & Sweat Status

Listen, I’ll be the first to shoehorn that I am not the be-all and end-all of puppet tape testers. I fit the same slender soul type, and my breasts are between a 34C to D depending on where you buy bras. The first saving grace is that my boobs are not typical per America’s eyeful standards. I can only seem the pair has unsettled beef, as they like to stay as far yonder from each other as possible — they jet outward toward my armpits when left to their own devices. They moreover hang loose, and I *flashes self in the mirror to make sure* would never describe them as “perky.” All the while, I love them unconditionally.

Second, what I lack in boobiness I make up for in hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating). Without years of stuff the sweatiest girl on the volleyball court, that person reapplying deodorant in between higher lectures, and the invitee arriving to summer work events in wateriness attire, I can say, with confidence, my sweat glands don’t mess around. I’m not necessarily proud, just at peace with my pores.

The Application

I used to frantically wield duct tape to my chest surpassing a night out, so this using was a breeze. There are many methods in which you can utilize puppet tape. I chose to swaddle each with one piece of tape in a crisscross insemination on top of my chest. I used the Puppet Job in a Box considering I had scissors on hand — the tape did not stick to the scissors, snag, or get irreparably stuck together when the sticky side unwittingly connected. The wrapper moreover left room for human error: If I wasn’t satisfied with my placement, I could peel it off and retread without losing any clinginess. Not only that, but the shade is unreceptive to my skin tone, which will come in handy with sheer tops.

The Experience

Singer-songwriter Tove Lo once eloquently stated in her pop hit “Disco Tits,” “I’m sweatin’ from throne to toe. I’m wet through all my clothes. I’m fully charged, nipples are nonflexible — ready to go.” This scrutinizingly too virtuously describes my day out on the town. I forgot to mention that my nipples are nonflexible probably 12 out of 24 hours of the day (should I see a doctor?), and although they were still a tad visible, the tape did a good job at keeping them at bay without discomfort. There’s a softness to each strip’s edges that won’t stab the side of your breasts, which is a major selling point.

The perspiration commenced and Nue’s swaddlers stayed put?! I’ve never seen anything like it. Sure, duct tape was not made for human skin, but I’m yawner to a one- to two-hour stickiness time slot (cut that in half if dancing is involved), and this endured five straight hours of municipality life. Droplets definitely pooled, but the onus is not on the tape; it’s on hyperhidrosis. And the tape did not requite out without five hours; that was when I peeled it off myself upon returning home.

A Puppet Job On The Go, $15

The Removal

We’ve established that I have a sticky past with duct tape, but the same goes for the “nude” peach-toned rolls offered at Target and drugstores. Duct tape removal, which usually takes place without giving up on using and finding a new outfit, is extremely painful for the epidermis. The drugstore options don’t necessarily hurt, but they moreover don’t do the job. Nue’s Puppet Job in a Box peeled off with little resistance and caused a tickle rather than a rip. It was slightly holding on for dear life toward the sweaty under-boob area, but it was still locked in on my chest.

This puppet tape is my summer 2022 unscratched haven.

alexandra polk

So, What’s The Tit Tea?

Plastic surgery is out, and Nue’s $15 to $25 puppet jobs are IN. Jokes aside, these products are unscratched for the skin, inclusive, and worthwhile. I love putting cons in my reviews, but I’m grasping at straws here. One could say sustainability, but the trademark plane offers to recycle gently used bras for 15% off your next order. So, apologies for this rose-colored, 10/10 review, but this puppet tape is my summer 2022 unscratched haven.

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